Creative restart

I don’t really know how to write this. I’ve not wrote like this in a while every time I think I’ve found the words they suddenly don’t feel big enough. How do you explain what someone means to you when they’ve become part of your soul? Before you I lived with so much darkness that I forgot what light even looked like. I got used to surviving instead of living. Then you came along… and you didn’t rescue me. You didn’t fix me. You just loved me in a way that made me want to find my way out of the dark myself. You have no idea what you’ve done for me.And maybe that’s why I’m so scared.I love you in a way that terrifies me.Not because of anything you’ve done but because of what you mean to me. You are the first person who’s ever made me feel like I’ve found home. Not a place… a person. When I’m with you everything in me finally goes quiet. My heart recognises yours before my mind has a chance to overthink it. Being wrapped up in you feels like the only place I’ve ever truly belonged. But then the voices in my own head start. You’re not good looking enough. You’re too much. You’re not enough. One day she’ll realise she deserves better.

I hate those thoughts. I fight them every day because they don’t come from you. They come from every scar I carried long before I met you. But scars dont always know theyre healed. Sometimes they still ache even when the wound has closed. I wish I could just exist beside you without wondering if I’m enough. I wish I could look at you looking at me and believe what I see. Because I know how I look at you. I see the woman I’d choose in every lifetime. The woman whose smile can pull me out of places I’ve spent years trapped in. The woman whose laugh feels like peace. The woman I never knew I was waiting for until she walked into my life. I don’t think you realise that youve become woven into everything now. When something funny happens youre the first person I want to tell. When something hurts youre the only person I want comforting me. When something beautiful happens I wish you were standing next to me so I could see it through your eyes too.

That’s what scares me.

Because youve become part of every version of my future without ever asking to be.

Shakespeare wrote, “My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep.”

I finally understand what he meant.

Because there isnt an end to what I feel for you. Every day I think I’ve reached the deepest part of my heart and then somehow I fall even further.

I know I’m not perfect.

I know I overthink.

I know sometimes I’ll need reassurance that probably seems silly.

But every bit of me is trying.

Trying to believe that someone as incredible as you could really choose someone like me.

Trying to silence the fear that whispers you’ll leave. Trying to become someone who sees themselves with even half the kindness that you seem to. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop being afraid.

Maybe love like this always carries fear.

Maybe when someone becomes your greatest happiness they also become your greatest vulnerability.

All I know is this…

If you asked me whether this love is worth every sleepless night, every anxious thought, every moment my heart feels too full to fit inside my chest…

I’d choose it again.

Every single time. Because even if loving you hurts sometimes, a life where I’d never known you would hurt infinitely more. So if you ever wonder what you are to me…

You are my peace. You are my storm. You are the quiet after every battle. You are the prayer I never knew I was asking for. And whether tomorrow brings sunshine or heartbreak, certainty or fear…

I will still wake up loving you. I don’t know how not to anymore.