If Loving You Is the Fall

I never knew that love could be, A prison and a place to flee. A raging storm, a quiet shore, A thousand fears, yet wanting more.

I never knew that someone’s eyes, Could hold my truth and all my lies. Could make me feel both safe and small, Could make me brave enough to fall.

And then came you, a reckless flame, And nothing ever stayed the same. You took the world I thought I knew, And painted every shadow blue.

But love like ours is not all light, It’s whispered fears at three at night. It’s jealousy that grips the chest, And minds that never seem to rest.

Your need for control, my need to know, The fears we hide but always show. Two wounded hearts that crave the same, Yet sometimes turn their love to blame.

We want the truth, we want the proof, We search for cracks beneath the roof. We fear the things we cannot see, And mistake possession for security.

And God, the years between our lives, The different worlds behind our eyes. You’ve roads to walk I’ve travelled through, And things I’ve lost you’ve yet to lose.

I wonder if one day you’ll see, The weight of choosing someone like me. The years I’ve lived, the scars I wear, The life and history that I bear.

Will you grow tired of all my fears? Will love survive the passing years? Will you look back when you’re older still, And wonder what you missed until?

I fear you’ll wake and change your mind, And leave the life we built behind. That all the things we swore were true, Will become a past I shared with you.

For there are lives beyond our own, And hearts that once believed in home. There are people who may bear the cost, Of all we’ve gained and all they’ve lost.

And sometimes in the dead of night, I wonder if we’re doing right. If building something beautiful and new, Means breaking worlds we once belonged to.

I never meant for love to be, A war between what’s right and me. I never meant to cause such pain, Or leave a life out in the rain.

But here you are, and here am I, Two souls beneath an endless sky. With trembling hands and hearts that race, Still searching for our safest place.

We’re moving in, we’re turning keys, We’re building dreams on shaking knees. A future I had never seen, A life I thought could never be.

I picture mornings by your side, The sleepy smile you cannot hide. Your clothes thrown carelessly on the floor, Your voice complaining through the door.

The stupid fights, the cups of tea, The way you somehow put up with me. The ordinary, dull and small, The things I somehow want through all.

Yet even there, beneath that dream, My fears run deeper than they seem. What if you see the whole of me, And hate the things you couldn’t see?

What if my body, mind and past, Are more than any love can last? What if the person you adore, Becomes someone you don’t want anymore?

And what if I become the same, A jealous heart consumed by flame? What if our fear becomes a cage, And love is buried under rage?

I don’t want love that needs a chain, Or proof that’s born from causing pain. I want to know that we can stay, Without demanding freedom pay.

I want your trust, I want your truth, Your older years, your fading youth. I want the woman you will be, Even if she changes next to me.

But there’s a question in my soul, That neither of us can control. Will all this passion turn to dust, When life demands more than just us?

When beauty fades and bills arrive, When we’re too tired to feel alive. When passion isn’t quite the same, Will you still whisper out my name?

When life is cruel and days are long, When neither one of us feels strong. When all that’s left is choosing to, Will I still choose, will you choose too?

For I’ve known loss, I’ve known goodbye, I’ve watched forever turn to lies. I’ve built a world and watched it break, And felt the earth beneath me shake.

I know how promises can die, How lovers leave without goodbye. How someone once your safest place, Can turn into a stranger’s face.

And that’s the terror buried deep, The thought that steals away my sleep. That one day I’ll reach out for you, And find our forever wasn’t true.

But oh, the wonder of it all, That knowing this, I choose to fall. That after everything I’ve known, I still believe in building home.

Not one of locks or jealous eyes, Or desperate questions dressed as lies. But somewhere both our hearts can rest, Without a constant, endless test.

I cannot promise we won’t change, Or that our lives won’t rearrange. I cannot swear we’ll never cry, Or never question how or why.

But I can promise I will try, To speak my fears instead of lie. To learn that love can still be real, Without controlling what we feel.

And if the years should test our flame, I hope we recognise the same, Two frightened souls who dared to see, A world where love could set them free.

So take my hand, but let it shake, For there is so much here at stake. Our hearts, our homes, the lives we’ve known, The seeds of futures yet ungrown.

I love you more than words can show, But love alone won’t make us grow. We’ll need the truth, the space, the grace, To meet our fears and give them place.

And if one day we’re old and grey, And all our youth has slipped away. I hope you’ll turn and look at me, And smile at all we came to be.

Not because we never fell, Or never put each other through hell. But because we learned to love anew, And let our better selves come through.

For you’re the future I once feared, The dream I thought had disappeared. The greatest risk I’ve ever known, The first place I have wanted home.

And though I cannot see the end, Or know what waits around the bend, I’ll love you with my eyes open wide, Not bury every fear inside.

Because the scariest thing I’ll ever do, Is build a life and trust in you. To know that love could end someday, And find the courage still to stay.

And if forever comes to be, I hope it’s you who grows with me. Not bound by fear, not trapped by pain, But choosing love again and again.